“Writing Heresy”

by Waverly Fitzgerald
March 25, 2004

I've been a writing teacher for 25 years, ever since my first novel, a historical romance set in Victorian London, was sold to Doubleday when I was 25. For even longer, I've been a writer-I typed my first story (an account of my stuffed animals falling off a 1,000 foot cliff (really the dining room table)) at age 8 on my mother's Smith-Corona typewriter.

My promising career as a novelist took a nose dive when I was 29 shortly after I completed my fourth novel, an attempt to switch from genre fiction to my true love (historical fiction) to the dismay and disapproval of my agent and various editors. If I had read Donald Maass's book The Career Novelist, at this time I would now be making my living as a novelist but he hadn't written it yet so I didn't realize the mistake I was making until I had been politely released from a two-book contract to Jove after a year of wrangling about the topic of my next novel. I wanted to write about the Crimean war-my editor didn't think that sounded very interesting. A review of a novel about the Crimean war did appear the following year in Publishers Weekly but I have to admit I can't remember the author or the title so I guess we were both right.

Although my writing income dried up, I never gave up on writing. I researched a medieval novel, wrote personal essays, researched and wrote a family history, started a memoir, published articles and columns on seasonal holidays, wrote a non-fiction book and created many prose poems on tango.

About a year ago, after a lifetime spent writing, teaching writings and pursuing that holy grail of every writer — publication — I experienced an epiphany. It came in the form of a thought that writers are taught to shun: What if I never get published (again)?

For some reason, perhaps because I've been studying Buddhism, I experienced it as a relief. The end of struggle, the cessation of envy around all those who have agents and awards, the setting down of the burden of self-judgment. No more query letters. No more pitch sessions with agents at writing conferences. No more rejections.

What if some kindly spirit came along, put one arm around my shoulder and said, "You know, honey, you might as well stop trying so hard. No matter what you do, it's not going to work. Mind you, it's not your fault. You've got the skill and the writing you're doing is strong. But you're going to have a series of bad breaks and you'll never be published by a major publisher again.."

Well, first of all, I'd dispute the voice, for surely there are other options, including self-publishing and small presses, that would satisfy me. But, of course, that's not my dream. As grandiose as it seems, never mind the fact that I've thrived happily for years on a college student's income because, to tell the truth, having money scares me, I entertain notions of being the next Janet Evanovich with my PI novel or the next Sarah ban Breathnach with my non-fiction book. Yet the thought of appearing on Oprah, a popular fantasy among my students, makes me shudder.

Success comes with funny attachments. And that's what I have to examine. What is success in writing on my own terms? When I ask that question, the answer that arises is: A life spent writing.

What if I got to spend my life writing? That's really my goal. At its most glorious (and it's not always glorious) writing, for me, is more delicious than reading the best novel I've ever read. I love the feeling of being totally immersed in a strange and beautiful world, that I am creating. And I love researching and then figuring out how all the pieces fit together while writing. So maybe getting published is just the excuse I use to justify the pleasure of sitting down for two hours every day to write.

These days I'm experimenting with the heresy that it would be OK just to write, the way people who build model train sets do that, for pure pleasure, with no expectation of income or fame. I haven't given up on publishing, but if I never get published in a major way, I won't feel that I've failed. If I spend my life writing, then I've achieved success.

Waverly Fitzgerald
Supporting you in meeting your writing goals
206.325.1452
waverly@waverlyfitzgerald.com

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Finding Your Readers

My Life as a Publisher

Getting the Most Out of Summer Writing Conferences

Networking for Writers

Imitation: Conscious and Unconscious

Talking as a Tool for Writers

Filling the Well

The Rejection Game

Time and the Writer

Writing Rituals

Writing the Summer Novel

The Rejection Game

Writing Heresy